Like I said, this is NOT a fitness blog. However, since I’m sick to death of talking about COVID-19, Quarantine, and how annoyed I am with these COVIDIOTS talkin’ bout “you’re steppin on mah constitutional RAHHGGT with your stay-at-home order”, I thought I’d talk about something that’s been bothering me and especially lately: my weight.
Soooo…I stepped on a scale recently, and I was HORRIFIED at the number. I think the scale actually cried when I stepped on it. Well, maybe that was me. At any rate, I was alarmed enough that once again, I’m embarking on a fitness journey. BUT AGAIN, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A FITNESS BLOG. However, in a few of these blogs, I’m going to talk about my latest fitness journey so I can at least hold MYSELF accountable. And before anyone comes for me about body positivity, this is about my journey only.
On the contrary, I am absolutely FOR the body positivity movement and I admire ANYONE who is happy with their body; I am just not happy with mine as of late. Especially considering I have gained back all the weight I lost a few years ago. Thank you, former stressful job and crappy coping mechanisms. In other words, I ate my feelings and then some.
Granted, eating one’s feelings isn’t QUITE as destructive as say, getting blackout drunk or engaging in illegal drug use. BUT, considering I’m at the age (46) where I need to worry about things like high blood pressure, heart attacks, and cholesterol, well…where I’m at currently weight wise isn’t healthy for me right now. I can’t sleep due to back pain, I have trouble walking because my knees are displeased with the burden that’s being put on them, and don’t even ask me about taking the stairs.
But even through all that, I was still in complete denial about my weight and health problems. That is to say, until I saw that number on the scale and was SO COMPLETELY DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF for letting it get away from me. Believe it or not, a scant five years ago, I was in such good shape that I felt good about myself! Now again, folks, if you like the way your body looks and you’re happy with yourself? My hat is off to you. However, at the weight I’m at my self esteem has taken a huge hit, and I feel like crap about myself. I actually avoid the mirror these days and posing for full length pictures??
And excuses? Oh, I am the QUEEN of excuses. My job sucked. I had a stressful day. Oh, I’m inhaling everything because of PMS. I don’t really look like that. (Because photographs lie, right?) Well, the time for excuses has come to an end…time to jump back on the fitness wagon! I have to for my own health. I’m newly married and I want to live a long life with my wonderful husband.
I’d really like it NOT to be cut short by the fact that I’m about eighty-five pounds overweight and a prime candidate for a heart attack. There. I said it. I’m EIGHTY-FIVE POUNDS OVERWEIGHT. I’m not brave enough to give you the actual number yet, but when this is over and I lose the weight for good and KEEP IT OFF, I’ll tell you where I started and where I end up. And yes, I’ll post pictures of before and after.
Thus far, I have committed to ninety minutes of activity per day and to eating far healthier than I have in the past. And so begins the journey back to myself. My mental health, thank God, is good, now it’s time to work on the vessel. Ever see the movie Christine? I’m going to rebuild MYSELF like Christine rebuilt HERself. Without the murdery-ness of course.
So like I said, this is not a fitness blog, nor is it going to be. However, once in awhile, you’re going to hear about my fitness journey. A journey of not just fitness, but getting back to a point of painless sleep, happy knees, being able to take the stairs without wheezing, and a number on the scale that doesn’t make me cry. I want to look in the mirror and love what I see there. And I hope you’ll cheer me along the way.
Thanks for reading,
Meredith Silverman