Oh come now, young lady, that’s enough!
Dry up your tears, there, young man!
For I’m about to sing you a poem of
only ONE of the Legendary adventures
of Earl and Stan, a couple of dragons from
somewhere around the south of Sudan!
Now let me describe my friends Earl and Stan,
Stan is a bearded dragon from Australia, and,
not to be outdone a bit, Earl is a Uromastyx,
a non-venomous dragon from Saudi Arabia, man!
Anyway, these two jokers live with me,
and most of the time they hang out in their tanks.
They love to munch on their greens and bask
in their sun and look at me funny when I ask
“Say, Stan, how’s it going? How’s your hammy?”
(A hammy’s a hammock, and in it lays Stanley!)
Earl’s more a curmudgeonly fellow, he’s kind of a big grump
He likes very little: lunch & hiding out in his cave like a lump.
HERE is something that I know about them, though, I know
when they think they have the house to themselves, they go
ESCAPING THE HATCH, out of their tanks in a FLASH,
to go tear around in their red, cherried out Pontiac GTO!
Now, my dears, stay with me a bit, as you MUST think
I’ve gone straight out of my mind, just straight into the drink!
As it turns out, the diecast convertible coupe model from 1964
A model I built, 2 seater, is exactly a lizard’s size, did you know?
It’s an unexplainable mystery how those two get it to go,
but I promise you all, I’ve seen tiny tire marks on the floor!
Well anyway, let me get back, to this grand adventure of
my good lizardly friends and compatriots, Earl and Stan!
So one day they decided, “It’s a beautiful day, why don’t we
take the GTO out for a spin?” Stanley asked Earl, with a grin.
“NO.” grumped Earl. “No, I don’t want to. I’d rather just sit
in my cave and feel all mad and grumpy and angry and blue!”
Stanley rolled his reptilian eyes in his head and said,“Oh, Earl
you know we’ll have a good time! Let’s take the GTO out for a whirl!”
“Famous last words,” mocked Earl. “I know I’ve heard THAT at least once!
If I remember it went horribly bad! I do NOT want to go,” said Earl to Stan.
Well, kids, I’ll admit it took some cajoling and half of tomorrow’s lunch
but finally Stanley got Earl to get his scaly behind in the car & outside!
The two little dragons then put the top down, Earl insisted on driving
so Stanley relaxed, turned on the radio, then turned and asked,
“Earl, uh, don’t you think you’re getting a bit close? I mean to the -”
“The pool?” Earl dismissed with a wave of his claw, “Don’t be a fool!”
“I’ve been driving, why, I’ve been driving forever! I am the expert y’know and-”
“LOOK OUT!” screamed Stanley, “LOOK OUT FOR THE BIRD, EARL, LOOK!”
Panicked, Earl turned the wrong way and drove right into the pool!
They landed in the shallow end, coming to rest upon the very top step!
“NOW LOOK WHAT YOU’VE GONE AND DID,” Earl yelled. “LOOK, DUDE!”
Stan smacked Earl right in his snoot and said, “WHAT? ME, that was YOU!”
“Now let’s not worry right now about that,” said Stanley to Earl, “How
will we get this car out the pool, Earl? Look at the time; we have to hurry!”
Earl replied with a tear in his eye, “We’ll just have to leave it, I think.”
Stanley’s shoulders slumped. “I guess so. I’m sorry, Earl. That stinks.”
So the little lizards picked their way out of the pool and went about their day
when I returned from my outing they were sunning in a most normal way.
Except I did find something strange, when I went to go check The Little Man
(That’s what we call the little thing that cleans the pool, well, as best it can)
Would you know, COULD you know what it was on the top step I found?
My little cherry red 1/6 scale diecast model car, looking pitifully drowned!
“What in the heck? How’d that get out here,” out loud to myself, I said,
“Hmm, wanna bet those two little carjackers of mine were at it again?”
So I picked up my toy car and shook it all out, dried it all off with a cloth,
seemed fine to me, okay, right as rain; I sure hope it still ran OK for them!
Then I brought the ‘64 in the house, into the lizards’ room & onto the shelf
went Pontiac in their line of vision; not even a BLINK with their rotten selves!
“You two are something else,” I chided out loud,“I oughta call the cops,
for grand theft auto, this moment,” I said as I tried not to laugh, “Now!”
“IT WASN’T MY IDEA,” yelled Stan. Roared Earl, “BS!! Take a walk!”
When I woke up from the floor, I was all, “YOU GUYS CAN TALK?”
I hope you enjoyed Earl and Stan’s little adventure as much as we did!
Thanks for reading,
Meredith Silverman