Dating is tough, isn’t it? It sure can be, especially when you get older. Have you ever invested your time and energy in someone that just wasn’t worth it? I have, and it sucked! Remember, I wasn’t always so blissfully wed. And after hearing some of the recent dating horror stories from my single friends on Twitter I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to have a cheat sheet so folks could stop wasting their time dating people who just weren’t worth it? That said, meet the five people you should stop dating. Like, right now.
Meet The Ghost
Number one on the hotlist of the five people you should stop dating right now is The Ghost. The Ghost’s MO is to have a wonderful date or couple of dates with you. Then, just when you think you’re getting somewhere, they vanish without a trace. You’d think that once someone ghosts that’s the end of it, right? Not necessarily.
Not when there’s people out there trying to resurrect a dead relationship and having what amounts to online seances on social media (I see you stalking her Instagram). Seriously, STOP wasting your time and energy reading and re-reading his texts to try and figure out what went wrong. In this case it really IS them, not you. Let it go.
So how are you to identify the Ghost without wasting too much time? Unfortunately, you can’t. But you can stop wasting your time and energy on them once they vanish. Again I say, if someone ghosts you, don’t try and raise the dead. Don’t stalk their social media. Don’t try and figure out what you did wrong. Let it go.
Let the dead stay dead and keep it moving. That’s how you stop dating The Ghost. In fact, when it comes to dating, leave the Ghost Adventures to Zak Bagans, because you have better things to do.
Moving right along, let me introduce you to the second of the five people you should stop dating.
Meet I.M. Busy
Are you dating someone who is so busy they don’t even (in their own words) have time to go to the bathroom? Is every conversation you have with them rushed? Have you been waiting days on end for them to text back?
Then when they do finally text back, they apologize profusely for the delay but they were just SO BUSY! Pay attention, because this is how you identify Mr./Ms./Mx. Busy. With every “I’m busy” excuse, they’re cluing you in to the fact that you need to stop dating them, right TF now.
Here’s the deal. When someone is that busy (or says they’re that busy), you need to learn to read between the lines. They might just be a busy person, true. But if someone likes you, they’ll MAKE time for you. So if Ms. Busy can’t take time out of her busy schedule for a ten-second text, that’s when you know you’re wasting your time.
Let me tell you a secret: NOBODY IS THAT FREAKIN’ BUSY. Period! So stop excusing this kind of behavior! You are worth more than someone who can’t be annoyed taking five minutes out of their day to text you back. And unless you’re just looking for a once-in-awhile thing, throw this busy fish right back into the sea so YOU don’t get hooked into a heartbreak.
Next on the list? Meet the third person you should stop dating right now.
Meet N. Committal
Ah yes. N. (short for NON) Committal is a frustrating sort. If you try to make plans with them, you’re wasting your time. Why? Because you will NEVER get a solid answer. And chances are they’ll NEVER make firm plans with you. So if you consider yourself a planner, avoid N. Committal at all costs! But how do you identify N. Committal? It’s pretty easy to do if you know what you’re looking for, and if you don’t? I can help.
First off, check their dating profile. If you see the words “spontaneous” or “spur of the moment”, tread carefully. These can be signs that someone you’re about to date won’t make a plan to save their life. Which, of course, is a pain in the ass if you’re a planner. But if you decide to forge ahead anyway? Read on to see what to watch out for.
So let’s say you’ve just been on a GREAT first date. Flowing conversation. The stars seem to be aligning. But when the idea of a second date comes up you hear, “Oh, gosh, I don’t know what my week looks like yet. Y’know what? Let’s play it by ear and go from there.”
Okay first of all? You know what “play it by ear” means in the dating world? It means they’re not into you enough to make concrete plans with you. They want to keep their options open in case the next best thing comes along.
That’s sucky, but true. So if you hear “let’s play it by ear” or anything of the sort, at any time you’re dating someone new? SHUT IT DOWN AND KEEP IT MOVING. Someone who won’t make plans with you a few days ahead of time isn’t worth a moment of YOURS.
Now let’s meet the next person on our “stop dating” list, shall we?
Meet The Spin Doctor
At some point in your dating life, you’ll meet The Spin Doctor, if you haven’t already. The Spin Doctor is a champion at spinning the stories of their lives so they come out the consistent victor. Every. Single. Time. But doesn’t everyone win some and lose some? Not them. Spin Doctors win more than Charlie Sheen on tiger’s blood.
You think I’m kidding? Trust me when I tell you NOTHING is EVER the Spin Doctor’s fault. The words “personal responsibility” are simply NOT in their vocabulary. And if you have a problem with something they’re doing? Good luck trying to get them admit they’re wrong.
The Spin Doctor will magically spin the situation with half-truths and out-and-out LIES so that YOU’RE somehow at fault. And not only that, you’ll believe it! That’s their goal. Spin Doctors will have you doubting your own sanity. Why? Because Spin Doctors are MASTERS at manipulating and gaslighting, so be very careful.
Right from the start, listen very carefully to stories about their past. Is everyone they’ve ever dated “crazy”? Have they NEVER been in trouble at work or if they have, was it their fault? (Spoiler: it never is). If they have kids with an ex, who is the good and stable parent ALL THE TIME? (Spoiler: it’s the Spin Doctor.)
Now, listen, it can’t rain all the time, and nobody is right all the time. If they are, that’s a Spin Doctor. So once you’ve identified that you’re dating The Spin Doctor, say “Thank U, NEXT”. Go on about your business and let Little Mr. or Miss Can’t Be Wrong go snare someone else into that web of lies they seem to love spinning.
And finally, may I introduce you to the CRÉME de la CRÉME of the WORST of the WORST of the five people you need to stop dating right now, and by right now I mean YESTERDAY.
Meet Red Flag Walking
If a red flag had feet, it would be this person. Oh, they might be cute, heck, they might be the best looking person you’ve ever laid eyes on. They might be charming. At first. But spend too much time with them, and you’ll learn REGARDLESS OF GENDER that they graduated at the top of their class from Fuckboy University with a major in Bullshittery and a minor in FUCKING UP YOUR LIFE.
I should know. I’ve had my life blown apart by a few of these guys. I’ve known guys who have had their hearts and lives shattered by lady grads of ol’ FuckBoy U. So let me give you some tips on avoiding these individuals because trust me, you want NONE of that.
So other then the overpowering stench of Axe Body Spray, how do you know if you’re dating Red Flag Walking? Well, first off, they’ll most likely be a combo of the first four of the five people you should stop dating mentioned in this blog.
In other words, after they’ve ghosted you, they’ll miraculously pop back into your life. Then, they’ll pretend to make time for you but won’t text back after first contact due to their “busy” lives. And you might as well forget making plans, because they’ll want to, of course, play it by ear.
Finally, you’ll know for certain you’re dating Red Flag Walking when they’re blowing up your phone at 11:30 PM on a Friday night because they’re suddenly DYING to see you after a week of radio silence. But never fear because they’ll have the ultimate believable story of why their week has been SO CRAZY. I mean, if you really LIKED them you’d BELIEVE them! They just want to come over and TALK after all.
Spoiler: It’s not “talking” they’re after.
What have we learned?
STOP THE MADNESS! Dating the above five people WILL make you crazy. These people will erode your self-esteem to nothing and that’s TERRIBLE for your mental health. That is to say, unless you’re into late-night booty calls and being made to feel like shit by someone you’re dating. And if you are, that’s great. Do you. But I think most people want a relationship with someone who values them as well as their time.
As I heard a wise friend of mine say recently, “no man better make me cry unless he’s proposing to me.” That is absolutely, one hundred percent correct. NOBODY you’re dating should EVER make you cry unless it’s happy tears. PERIOD, full stop.
Remember, you’re worth FAR MORE than having to be even a little bit annoyed by somebody like the above five people that you should stop dating. And now that you know who ISN’T worth your time or energy, you’ll be better prepared to determine who IS.
So tell me, what was your worst dating experience? How about your BEST dating experience? Whatever kind of experience, I want to hear about it in the comments below. And if you enjoyed this blog, please subscribe for more life advice and other musings from this former disgruntled office monkey.