When we think of the word “gangsta”, who do we think of? Tupac? 50 Cent? Perhaps McLovin’?
Well my dears, FORGET all those fellas, because there’s a NEW gangsta in town. Praying Mantis, who is MORE gangsta than you, me, Fiddy, ‘Pac or even McLovin’. I know, I know, the WHO? The WHAT? Is that someone we saw on World Star Hip Hop? Well, actually, yes, believe it or not! Y’know these raggedy ol’ murder hornets that have come to call? Those critters that are as big as a baseball (I might be exaggerating a smidge) and that we’re all terrified of, gangsta or not? And who WOULDN’T be sh*t your pants scared of a creature that can kill a man with their stinger? And with a sting like MOLTEN METAL, from what I hear?
Fear not, cool cats and kittens. No disrespect to 2Pac, Mr. Cent, or good ol’ McLovin, but like I said, there is a NEW gangsta in town who will WHOOP YO ASS. Ever been so pissed off at someone you literally wanted to tear their head off? No? Just me? Well, anyway, the praying mantis will do JUST THAT to these horrifying murder hornets. How do I know? C’mon, I saw the video that has taken social media by swarm – er…I mean storm! Said video, according to the TMZ link, is of a “Murder Hornet (who) Meets Deadly Match … Praying Mantis is Hero We Need!!!”
I thought about embedding the video but in case you’ve eaten recently and have a weak stomach, or are squeamish, you can watch it here. I warn you, though, this video is NOT for the faint of heart. Fights on World Star are one thing; but watching creature that has been kept for a pet literally tear the head off and then dismember a murder hornet is…well, unpleasant.
Although admittedly, as I found myself watching the cute little green creature take out the terrifying murder hornet, I felt fascinated and vindicated all at the same time! Like, SCORE ONE FOR US LITTLE GUYS! Having been bullied by the human equivalent of a murder hornet, BY GOD I FEEL SEEN! YOU GO PRAYING MANTIS!! You are now like Glen CoCo and I shall RECOGNIZE!
Like, it was bad enough when Covid-19 started sweeping the world and all of a sudden we had to completely stop our lives to quarantine at home so we could flatten the curve, right? Now we have MURDER HORNETS? When I saw that on the news the other day, my stomach about fell out of my butt. I thought, that’s it, NOW WE GOTTA THROW THE WHOLE DAMN COUNTRY AWAY! Remember the movie Arachnophobia? (By the way? DO NOT WATCH THAT MOVIE ALONE.) In my opinion, this murder hornet business is worse!
But, thank God and Ceiling Cat, an affable John Goodman-like hero has emerged in the case of Humanity Vs. Murder Hornet, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Or relieved. And if you don’t believe that a tiny praying mantis is more gangsta than you or me, I suggest you watch the video where said praying mantis literally dismembers a murder hornet (follow the link above) and THEN come talk to me.
Anyway, so the fact that an unassuming little praying mantis is actually gangsta AF is what’s on my mind today. And I’m happy to see that, although we don’t have a vaccine yet for the coronavirus, at LEAST we have something that can protect us from the latest deadly thing that God has dropped on us. And for those of us asking what’s next, Y’ALL STOP! I don’t want to KNOW what the f*** the NEXT fun house horror is that God has planned for us just yet! Better yet, I don’t want to tempt fate and ask!
And as for me personally, well, if you read my last blog (and if you haven’t, I recommend that you should-a little shameless self-promo there), you’d know I am currently on a mission to drop the excess poundage that has attached itself to my person in the last year. So far according to My Fitness Pal (an absolutely invaluable weight-loss tool and no, they didn’t pay me to say that BUT I’M AVAILABLE IF YOU WANT TO SPONSOR ME, GUYS) I’m on a 9 day streak. I’m eating as clean as possible, I’ve swapped my nightly dirty martini or appletini for a Michelob Ultra, and I’m managing 85-90 minutes of activity 5 days a week. My first weigh-in is tomorrow. I’m hoping I lost at least a pound. I do notice, though, aside from an arthritic knee, that I do feel good after I get my workout on.
Furthermore, I am damn determined to stick with it, considering I am famous for getting on the fitness wagon and promptly falling back off. But you know, as they say it takes at least 28 days to form a habit. I have what, a third of that under my belt? By next week, I will have TWO thirds of the first 28 under my belt and hopefully I’ll have good results from the scale to report. Other than that, thank God, we’re all fine here. I’m good, Ma’s good, and Matthew is good. So that’s all good. And I hope you, dear reader, are well as well, or as well as you can be during these trying times.
All that said, I believe I shall sign off. Stay safe and healthy out there, and do have a pleasant week. See you next time!
Thanks for reading,