Nobody is That Goddamn Busy

Unless you’re this cat. Then, you are excused.

Greetings and Salutations, fellow humans! I know-I know, it’s been awhile, but this dumpster fire of a world does not creativity make. HOWEVER, I’m annoyed, and we ALL know that makes for a good piece of writing. At least, from ME anyhow-ha ha. Anyhoo, so, WHAT am I annoyed about, you ask? Well, like everything else, it’s gonna be a story (of course), but let me start off just by saying this: we LOVE as a society to make excuses for folks, don’t we? Like if we don’t hear from someone for awhile, what do we assume? That they’re busy, right? They MUST be if they’re not calling or texting, right? You haven’t heard from ’em in like, what, a year or two? They GOTTA be JUST SO BUSY, right? That’s what we’re gonna tell ourselves, anyhow. Yeah, here’s a newsflash: NOBODY IS THAT GODDAMN BUSY.

So let’s talk about it, shall we? So we can stop making excuses for people who don’t value our time, energy or friendship? As a former people-pleaser, I am mending my ways. So let me elaborate upon that. In this essay I will-okay just kidding. So, look here lemme just-well, actually, look down to the next paragraph and we’ll go from there.

Are you this frog? NO?

There’s A Difference Between Busy and Being An Asshole.

In this electronic day and age, it’s about damn near impossible to not get a hold of someone, am I right? It literally takes FOURTEEN SECONDS (I know, I timed myself once) to send a text. That said, don’t we STILL, if we haven’t heard from someone like a friend or a business acquaintance, say what? Oh, they’re just BUSY. And then when we don’t hear from them for a certain length of time, again, what do we say?

Even a Kardashian, while impossible to keep up with (so I hear) isn’t THAT busy.


Uh huh. Me too, kitty.

Trust me, they’re not that goddamn busy. They’re just an asshole who doesn’t value your time. What do I mean? Oh *cracks knuckles* I, Meredith Silverman, would LOVE to tell you more. So buckle up, because I HAVE TIME TODAY. Let’s talk about some examples of these SUPER BUSY (sorry, I just gagged a little) folks.

They’re Too Busy For Milan…Too Busy For Milan…New York And Japan…

You all remember our friend I.M. Busy, right? Who I wrote about in The Five People You Should Stop Dating? SURE YOU DO! But if you don’t, feel free to go back and re-familiarize yourself. Truly, I’ll wait.

Oh, you’re back? GREAT. Let’s keep going. ANYWAY, so yeah. About Mr. (or Ms.) I.M. Busy. That pesky devil that always keeps you waiting for a text back or even that person YOU have to reach out to FIRST with every interaction? Those who (when chided for being out of touch), launch into a LITANY of EVERYTHING that’s kept them SO BUSY they can’t even BREATHE or go to the BATHROOM.

They’re Too Busy For Their Shirt…SO BUSY IT HURTS…

Yeah, I dated a guy like that, who really INSISTED he was THAT BUSY. Know where that got him? Dead at 48 of a massive heart attack. I’m just saying.

Now granted, I talked about I.M. Busy in the dating arena, but the same idea can apply to a friendship. As an autistic adult, I’m JUST barely learning this. But it’s true. And I am…or WAS (now that I’m leaving my people-pleasing era) a CHAMPION at making excuses for people. Or I’d think, well, okay, I’m ghosted again, that’s fine. And I’d internalize the hurt. However, these days, I don’t do that. I’ve learned that if a “friend” doesn’t value my time or energy, then just like a Viking funeral, it’s time to set the friendship on fire and let it go.

It’s been real, but now you gots to go.

They’re Too Busy For Their Cat – Whatcha Think About That?

Like if I don’t hear from you in a year? I’m assuming you’ve moved on, because AGAIN I SAY, NOBODY IS THAT GODDAMN BUSY that they literally can’t spend a few minutes sending a text. Even the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES is not that busy.

I mean, I know he’s a pretty busy guy with all his Presidentin’ and stuff, but even HE finds the time to call the people who really matter. You hear about it on the news all the time. So if the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES can MIRACULOUSLY find the time to CALL folks, you can spend fourteen seconds sending a text, I PROMISE YOU. And THAT’s no malarkey!

Thank you, Mr. President!
I appreciate the applause.

Okay Meredith, Out With It, What’s Got You Annoyed Today?

Okay so what’s got me all in a flap, you ask? WHY am I ranting about busy people and their lack of contact? Welp, after not hearing from a so-called “friend” for about a year or so, the other day I got a text inviting Mr. Husband and myself to a celebratory event. You know, the kind where you can’t go empty handed? I’m sure you know where I’m going with this-it’s like the wedding invite that turns up out of the blue from that old friend you graduated college with but haven’t spoken to in six years. NO BITCH I’M NOT COMING TO YOUR FACACTA WEDDING AND I’M SURE IN THE HELL NOT SENDING A GIFT, EITHER. EW.


They’re Too Busy For Your Party Where There’s Disco Dancing

And it wasn’t just a text I got, but a LAST MINUTE INVITATION text. Like, don’t invite me to your event two and a half days before it’s supposed to happen! That’s rude, and that leads me to believe you invited me as an afterthought. You know what I mean?

And in keeping it real, I gotta tell y’all the OLD “people pleasing” Meredith started to respond right away with a SURE WE CAN MAKE IT before the NEW “should we apologize, nah fuck ’em leave ’em pissed” Meredith took over with a big OH HELL NAH, WE AIN’T PLAYIN’ THAT. Oh and said invitation? PROMPTLY DECLINED.

And while I might have time TODAY for this rant, I DO NOT have time for fair weather “friends” and their gift-grabby ways. NOBODY, NOT EVEN YOU, DEARIE, IS THAT GODDAMN BUSY that the ONLY TIME you text me is to invite me to your “bring a gift” occasion. I know it, YOU know it, and now after reading this blog – I hope EVERYONE goddamn knows it. In other words, and JUST in case I haven’t made it perfectly clear…

If I haven’t heard from you in a YEAR or more and then you have the kind of AUDACITY that would make Jack McFarland HIMSELF squawk in indignation, to invite me to your celebratory function AT THE LAST MINUTE no less…then I shall have that same kind audacity to speak unto you HERE AND NOW the following three words with my whole chest:

Is this clear enough for you?

They’re Too Busy For This Blog.

And do me a favor, lose my/our number, while we’re at it. Because, “friend”, OBVIOUSLY you aren’t the person I thought you were. And when you fell off the face of the planet, I assumed you didn’t want to be friends anymore. Oh, the six month friend clause? Yeah, maybe I should’ve been more clear about that. I often joke about being a “six month friend” to my best friend in the WORLD who I’ve known for literally thirty years.

We speak about twice a year. But when we do talk, it’s like no time has passed. But for a new “friend” I don’t know very well? And who I can plainly see is NOT making the effort to keep in contact like my ACTUAL FRIENDS DO? Here’s the deal – if you drop off my radar, I’m not gonna chase you. And CERTAINLY you should know that I have ZERO interest in attending some raggedy lil event you ever so sportingly deigned to invite me to at the last minute.

So sorry, sweetcakes, but I’m busy and will be unavailable to attend.

Nobody Is That Goddamn Busy, PERIOD. They Just Don’t Want To Talk To You.

Here’s the deal, folks, and I want you to remember this, even if it hurts your feelings (and trust me, it will-you wouldn’t be human if it didn’t): NOBODY is “too busy” to send a fourteen second text. They’re just not as invested in the friendship/relationship as you are. And that’s okay! But, let me also make clear that picking up a phone and trying to reconnect with a friend you haven’t seen or talked to in forever is a little different. And THAT text usually starts with “OMG, I’m SO SORRY I haven’t been in touch, but see, I died and…”

And if you didn’t, then it better be something EQUALLY noteworthy, like you moved to MARS and you didn’t have any wifi until yesterday at four o’clock because the stupid cable guys were late AGAIN. You feel me?

Nobody is that goddamn busy. Period. And we’d ALL do well to remember that. So don’t even try to ghost me with your busy ass and then pop back up from being dead (to me) talking about OH HEYYYYYY COME TO MY WHATEVER because MY answer is gonna be oh I’m sorry, do I know you? NEW LIFE, WHO DIS?

I think we’re done here.

Thanks for reading,
Meredith Silverman

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