My Funny Bone’s Broken and I Ain’t Jokin’

I heard Queen’s “Under Pressure” in a commercial for Facebook Portal (of all things) today. To be honest with you, that’s a pretty good audio depiction of how I feel four weeks into quarantine. And I know it is not just me. Seems America has gone from meatball to pressure cooker and I don’t know about y’all, but I’m about to blow. And when stressed, you all know I try my damnedest to find a bit of humor somewhere in the stratosphere.

But seriously? Today? I think my funny bone’s broken, and I ain’t jokin’.

If I still smoked, this would be an entirely accurate
illustration of me writing today’s blog.

I mean, my stress level is sky high. How could it not be? Just on the news this morning, I saw yet another 5.2 million people have applied for unemployment. According to all the major news sources, that brings the total of unemployed Americans to TWENTY TWO MILLION. Isn’t that crazy? You can check out the article on CNN here.

Meanwhile, folks are scrambling to feed their families and pay their bills while trying not to catch the ‘Rona, all the while trying not to lose their ever-loving minds from being home bound. Can I just say, I’m very grateful to be where I’m at, but I am at the point that I must admit to you all before I lose MY ever-loving mind…


Like Chi Chi’s trip, this quarantine sucks.

I mean, did I ASK to be on Quarantine? Did any of us?

I’m not ashamed to say that Miss Chi Chi Rodriguez is my spirit animal.

Furthermore, let me tell you just how sick of being on quarantine I am. I would welcome a trip to the DENTIST at this point! The DENTIST I SAY. Yes folks, I believe I have reached my breaking point. I mean, who the HELL in their right mind actually WANTS to go to the DENTIST? That is to say, unless you’re Bill Murray’s character in Little Shop of Horrors. Then I suppose, maybe. As for me, I’d say I’m more of a Seymour Krelborn type.

I promise you all, I won’t feed the plant!

Also, just for the record? If we ever get through this pandemic and Hollywood ever decides to reboot Little Shop of Horrors with an all female cast? I AM AUDITIONING FOR THE PART OF SEYMOUR KRELBORN, I SWEAR IT! I know that part backwards and forwards and I can sing all the songs! I’ll have you all know I’ve been practicing since I was thirteen years old! Fun fact? I did sing part of the Little Shop of Horrors soundtrack when I had my YouTube channel. But that was long ago and far away.

Anyhow, moving right along. So yes, I’m stressed to the gills from cabin fever. Now before you come for me, know that I’m very grateful that I don’t have it worse. Thank God for that. But as every mental health professional says of late, it’s okay to feel your feelings and if you don’t like something, it’s okay to say it out loud. Or something to that effect.

Well like I said earlier, I ain’t jokin’ when I tell you that I am so sick of being stuck at home that I could…why, I could…GAH!! I don’t even know! I started to say chew glass, but…ew. Trust me when I tell you all that chewing glass is not a hobby I’m planning on taking up.


At least, I suppose (as I glance at the clock) I have managed to not eat anything during the writing of this blog. So that’s something, right? I have also heard around the mental health circuit that this is a time in particular that we should be celebrating the little things we are accomplishing during this really crummy pandemic period. Okay so, today I will celebrate not eating second breakfast and a little bit later, I shall celebrate taking a shower and brushing my teeth. By the way? WHY IS THE IDEA OF HYGIENE SO DIFFICULT WHEN ONE IS ON QUARANTINE? Is it just me? I’ll have to see if I can run a Twitter poll or something because it can’t be just me. I hope it’s not.

I did manage to brush my teeth just now, so that’s something. About the showering; I imagine that it’s not so easy to drag one’s self into the shower when all one has to do that day is go from the shower to the couch. Ugh.

Stop! Shower time.

However, before I shower, I GOT to have some lunch so I’ll end here. And as for my sense of humor going AWOL on me, I have to admit I did get a giggle or two out of reading back this blog back after I wrote it. I hope you did too. Maybe my funny bone isn’t broken after all, but just a little sprained. As for trying not to go street-rat crazy while on quarantine? Well as my mother always says, “all we can do is the best we can do,” and I intend to do my best not to completely lose my sh*t in the upcoming week! At any rate, stay well out there everybody, and see you next time!

Thanks for reading,

Meredith Silverman

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