So on Ye Olde Internal Playlist this week, at the Top of the Pops is “Life is A Lemon and I Want My Money Back” written by Jim Steinman and performed by one of my perennial favorites, Meatloaf. If you haven’t heard it, you can check out the song on YouTube here. Not only do I love meatloaf for dinner, but yes, I love his music, too. Hardy har har. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about how a lot of people want to cancel 2020 because of how bad it sucks, right?
And let me say right off the bat, I am on team #2020Sucks. At first, I tried to rationalize the suckiness by wondering if Coronavirus was God’s way of turning humanity on its ear earlier this year. But then I thought, (there I go thinking again) what if the whole year could be just defective instead? We have the Lemon Law for vehicles, right? What if we had a Lemon Law for a year, THIS year, and we could request a refund? Ergo, strongly worded letter to follow:
Dear God, The Universe, Ceiling Cat, and Anyone Else Who Might Be Reading This/Listening,
2020 IS A LEMON AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK! Want? Nay, I DEMAND MY MONEY BACK! (Did I just say nay? What is this, 1620?) Mind you all, this year started out with SUCH promise! I had just gotten a raise at my job (which I thought would be enough to overlook the lousy way I was treated), my fiance proposed with the most beautiful ring I’d ever seen in my life, and we were JUST coming off of the best Christmas EVER!
Then, the abuse at my toxic job ramped up so badly I had to quit. THEN Coronavirus came to call so I couldn’t even look for a new job anyhow. And even though my little idealistic self previously thought this was somewhat of an equalizer, I realized it’s not. Not in the least. I mean, a celebrity posted up in their mansion is NOT on equal footing with someone waiting for hours at a food bank. So I can totally see why celebrities got so much backlash for that.
What I SHOULD’VE said in that blog was that Coronavirus doesn’t discriminate among the rich or poor and it will snatch up whoever it can find, but then I couldn’t make my point about Denzel…
But I digress. After reading that blog I think people got what I was trying to say. I hope so.
Anyway, getting back to why I believe we should completely refund 2020 – but first, YES, I’m grateful Matthew and I were able to get married. Let me not be an ingrate. HOWEVER, Coronavirus is eating up the whole world like the Wreck-It Ralph Virus ate the Internet, everything is all f*cked up and to top it all off, one of my favorite YouTubers on the PLANET, SteveCash83, took his own life last Thursday (4/16/2020). If you haven’t seen his Talking Kitty Cat videos, you can watch them all on his channel.
Given that turning the year 2020 off and back on again isn’t an option, nor can we change the batteries, I think we should officially proclaim 2020 a lemon and we all get our money back. And not eight months down the line like some of these rumored stimulus checks, but RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW. Or at least, give us an exchange for a year that freakin’ works correctly without all this terrible bullsh*it going on.
So again, God, The Universe, Ceiling Cat and Whoever else is listening/reading, once again I am requesting that the People of Earth get our money back for 2020 being a total lemon. I know I’m not the only one that feels this way.
I will patiently await an answer to my query. Thank you for your time, attention and patience regarding this matter.
Gotta have that proper business letter etiquette, right? Some things you never forget, I imagine. Meanwhile, I really do wish there really WAS a way to request a refund for the crummiest year in recent history. If only, right? Maybe we’ll get lucky and this sh*tshow of a spring this year will get made up for come summer or fall and 2020 won’t have been COMPLETELY defective.
Then again, monkeys might fly out of my butt, too.
Meanwhile, I hope you are all staying sane, healthy and well, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you are coping during this crummy time, because to be honest, I need some ideas. And also, I want to hear from you! Feel free to drop me a message in the comments. It won’t show right away because I moderate my comments so I don’t get a bunch of spam in there, but I do read everything and will get to it asap. Also? Considering I just about live on the internet, your comment should pop up pretty close to immediately. So with that – here’s hoping 2020 will be refunded sooner than later, and I’ll see you next week!
Thanks for reading,